As most readers have realize now, i don't usually nag about what happen to me on my blog on daily basis. Haha. Partly cause i know no one will read about it and also cause i didn't think it's a wise thing to tell other people about my own bitter misery. In other words, come here and read about my emotional rants instead of my problems. Wahaha...
But hey sometimes i write about happy stuff too. Sometimes it occurred to me that a guy writing emotional blog is girlish. But don-care-lah. Call me girlish or whatever, you'll know me if you KNOW me. I don't really mind. Instead of putting up a tough guy look i'd rather just be a normal guy.
I remember back when i was still in primary, i had this weird wish.
I WANNA GROW UP to be a NORMAL GUY.
WTFBBQ rite?
Maybe it was because i'm the only chinese boy in the school and the school head prefect. People tend to have high expectation on me, even teachers think i would grow up to be an elite. I remember getting As in exams was effortless. I practically didn't study at all, except for UPSR of course.
And when i enter VI, i think my wish was granted. Everyone there was exceptionally good at some or various things. Some are smart, some are StreetSmart, some are naturally good in sports and most of them can really speak their mind out; in ENGLISH. Haha..okay i wasn't born into an English speaking family, only my Dad were able to speak the Queens language. I don't spend much, i practically never been to Sg.Wang back then and the only people i've ever mixed with was Malays and Indians and of course some Sarawakians. Chinese kids were aliens to me.
Some were dumbfounded as i speak Malays fluently instead of Cantonese or Mandarin. I finally felt small, helpless, and NORMAL.
That was when i really work my ass off to be EXTRAORDINARY.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Separating Worlds..
There's a whole other world inside of me now, full of words no one can hear.
Someone once told me, you don't have to be afraid of this feeling.
One way or another, if you can feel it; you might as well reveal it.
Life has it's own way of getting back to you.
Tomorrow it might all be taken away.
The way of life itself is simple.
Eat when you're hungry,
Sleep when you're sleepy.
That's where the essence of life lies in.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
one knows...
Sometimes it's about realizing things a step too late.
Sometimes it's about being in the moment without losing into yourself.
Sometimes it takes more than a reminder to stay by the edge without falling down.
Sometimes....
or rather most of the time i tend to lose myself in the moment and realise something things just a tad bit too late.
Sometimes it's about being in the moment without losing into yourself.
Sometimes it takes more than a reminder to stay by the edge without falling down.
Sometimes....
or rather most of the time i tend to lose myself in the moment and realise something things just a tad bit too late.
Friday, March 7, 2008
the view from the other side of the moon
it has been 3 months and 21 days since. The week before, i had a feeling that something is happening. She won't return my calls, not even messages, she kept saying she was busy and never even called me a single time in that week..
then one fateful day, i've decided to call her. After a long dialing tone, she picked up. I said hey , how are you doing? she replied in the most reluctant way i've ever heard saying she's sick and what is it that i want to talk about. i asked her why hasn't she returned my call or my messages. After a turn of dilly- dallying, she said i was being inconsiderate to be asking that when she's sick. Then conversation ended pretty much after that.
A few hours later, i decided to go out and shop for some groceries. A sudden thought of kindness brought me into the bakery nearby. I remembered she likes those funny looking breads from this bakery. Promptly i heads to her place thinking that i could surprise with the breads. Somehow i had a weird feeling that this is gonna be the last time i'll be seeing her.
Reaching her place, i gave her a call. Again with the agitated sound she asked me what's up. I asked, are you hungry? Before she could reply i said i'm outside your house with the funny looking bread that you like. Her tone immediately changed and she immediately asked me to come up. In her place, everything that left me feeling comfortable the very last time i was there are now giving me the idea that i'm not invited.
after a few short conversation, she finally said, she can't keep meeting me anymore. That one sentence immediately broke my heart into pieces again. The pieces i spend so much time picking up and putting them back together. At that very moment, i finally realize why was it that i can't forget her. Why did i spend so much time forgetting the very thing that i intended to forget in the first place. It came to me in the form of enlightenment. I was in love with her memories.
this entry has been altered in a few ways to protect my privacy. However, my very feeling on the things that had happened was clearly portrayed. I am finally over you. Please do not call me again. I hope whatever you're doing and whoever you're doing it with; you're happy and it doesn't concerns me.
then one fateful day, i've decided to call her. After a long dialing tone, she picked up. I said hey , how are you doing? she replied in the most reluctant way i've ever heard saying she's sick and what is it that i want to talk about. i asked her why hasn't she returned my call or my messages. After a turn of dilly- dallying, she said i was being inconsiderate to be asking that when she's sick. Then conversation ended pretty much after that.
A few hours later, i decided to go out and shop for some groceries. A sudden thought of kindness brought me into the bakery nearby. I remembered she likes those funny looking breads from this bakery. Promptly i heads to her place thinking that i could surprise with the breads. Somehow i had a weird feeling that this is gonna be the last time i'll be seeing her.
Reaching her place, i gave her a call. Again with the agitated sound she asked me what's up. I asked, are you hungry? Before she could reply i said i'm outside your house with the funny looking bread that you like. Her tone immediately changed and she immediately asked me to come up. In her place, everything that left me feeling comfortable the very last time i was there are now giving me the idea that i'm not invited.
after a few short conversation, she finally said, she can't keep meeting me anymore. That one sentence immediately broke my heart into pieces again. The pieces i spend so much time picking up and putting them back together. At that very moment, i finally realize why was it that i can't forget her. Why did i spend so much time forgetting the very thing that i intended to forget in the first place. It came to me in the form of enlightenment. I was in love with her memories.
this entry has been altered in a few ways to protect my privacy. However, my very feeling on the things that had happened was clearly portrayed. I am finally over you. Please do not call me again. I hope whatever you're doing and whoever you're doing it with; you're happy and it doesn't concerns me.
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